your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
