How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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