found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
