ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
