Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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