OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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