Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
