When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
