Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
