Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
