I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
