I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
