whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They have beer where we have blood.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
