what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
