and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
