After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
