I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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