So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he shaved USA in his pubs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
