the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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