There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
