You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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