Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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