benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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