Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
