Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
