help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
