i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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