I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
