Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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