you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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