I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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