he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
