I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
