At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
