Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
