3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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