Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
