We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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