im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
