Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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