Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
