dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
