I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
