Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did i walk over a car last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
