your room smells of hookers.
And success
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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