You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
