Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
