if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you win again, gameday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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