Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
MIDGETS
????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
