Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
